The Confessions of a Lost United Methodist

Religion is often called the opiate of the masses. While there have been times when I would agree, I think that at this stage of my life, the final stage, life and experiences have taught me that there is something greater than me, me and others, others and the world. In fact I was designed by something greater than me to be me.

Raised a Lutheran, one of the few things my German father insisted on, I have attended a variety of churches in my lifetime before settling on the Methodist Church, the church my girlfriend and then wife had attended for many years. We were married in 1977 and I loved this small town church of probably at most 300 members. Many of the city council members were attendees and it was a loving and caring church. Few were wealthy but all were giving and after a potluck no senior left without a plateful of food for future meals.

For me, the most important job of the pastor is to inspire me, bring those old, ancient words of the Old and New Testaments to life in our era. I have discovered more than a few times that what is old is new again and its all in the Bible.

In college the director of our Journalism School said the only books a journalist needed for reference and style was the Bible, Shakespeare and the Sears catalog. Why you might ask? The Bible told all the stories of man in succinct verbiage, Shakespeare for style and the Sears catalog? They were able to describe a million items in a few words that left no doubt what you were getting. In fact that might be a good beginning for the digital age as well.

The Methodist Church I was married in and attended
for many years in Monterey Park, CA

My son was baptized a Methodist and provided comic relief in church for years. Talking at 6 months in complete sentences he was a star at “Children’s time” with the pastor before the main service and the kids were sent to Sunday school. We were a combined church with a Japanese congregation whose pastor was as often a target of my son’s observations too. There were more than a few times we would duck below the pews at one of his many observations and the phone would be ringing when we got home with my laughing mother-in-law recounting what she had heard about church that day. Though she wasn’t laughing at an anniversary dinner when in walked about 15 Little People, some who had been in “The Wizard of Oz” and my amazed son stood up on his seat, pointed and in a loud voice said, “Gramma, look, its the munchkins!” Yes, he had just seen The Wizard of Oz and she dived under the table in embarrassment as I grabbed him and rushed outside.

The church went through troubled times and after enough of a divided church we attended other Methodist Churches in our area before moving on. We let the kids decide which church they liked. We decided that we would all attend as a family, something neither of our parents did and would be a part of the Methodist community. We wanted them to learn Christian responsibility and helping and caring for others.

Our children went through all the church programs and even attending a Catholic high school would write the liturgies they could not be a part of and my son, through our church sponsorship, became an Eagle Scout. Church was a big part of our lives and most of our friends were church friends.

When I had an early retirement because of health issues I attended a 6:30 am meeting of men every Tuesday morning where we discussed the Bible, read books about the Bible and became friends. One of the attractions of the Methodist Church for me was Wesleys encouragement to question. There we had many deep discussions about doctrine, the meaning of those old and ancient verses and the sudden realization that they were as real and unrealized today as they were then.

One memorable book was about the parable of the prodigal son. We learned in reading about the young and foolish son who asked for his inheritance early, left and spent it all. He then realized in desperation that he would live better as a servant to his father than where he was now, raising pigs. Instead of being rejected, he is embraced by his father as the son who left but returned. It was the reaction of the elder brother that stunned us. When he utters why are you wasting clothes and food on this son who left when I have stayed and have done all that you asked so that I would inherit this? It struck all of us that we are not the prodigals, we were the elder son, the son who only did his father’s bidding so he’d inherit everything. For me, this proved the observations of the Bible are as valid today as over 5,000 years ago in Israel.

Pastors come and go. Religious ideas also come and go. Fascinated my whole life by religion I realized that all of the world’s great religions have the same basic tenets. However, it was in the practice that even within each faith there were vast differences. 

While we may not want to admit it, Christianity has never had a smooth transition wherever it has landed. The wars of Europe were often religious based. After the Muslims became a faith and swept the Middle East, North Africa and ruled in Spain for 700 years, there was constant warfare between these two faiths. When Luther nailed his 97 Thesis on the church door a 30 year war was fought between the Catholic Church and the new Lutherans, soon called the Protestant Church, over who was the true servant of God.

While battle between Protestant faiths may have died down, we are witnessing the struggles of the Muslim faith between those of tradition and those, who like many Christians, are secular saying government and religion are separate. Our Constitution enshrined this tradition though I might note there are those who don’t realize or even acknowledge this fact. Yet, the struggles within the various Protestant denominations continue in our modern world. It can be boiled down simply to WWJD, what would Jesus do?

The World United Methodist Council just had a vote over the legitimacy of the LGBTQ community and how it would be treated and acknowledged. Methodists have been struggling with this issue for at least 20 years, far too many years considering many other Protestant faiths have settled this issue. First the Episcopalians, then Unitarians, several of the Lutheran Synods, the United Church of Christ, and Presbyterians have settled the issue of what all would agree are God’s creations, but not the Methodist Church. Offering several last minute possibilities to keep the church whole, the world vote was to keep the traditional view of homosexuality, as against God’s teachings. The irony, not lost of the LGBTQ community, is that church doctrine insists that all our welcome and must be accepted into the church’s family. However, no pastor or official can be Gay nor are pastors allowed to bless a Gay wedding.

United Methodist Church - Palm Springs

After I moved to Palm Springs I decided that I was through with the church. I had been a busy, active church member, had even started a monthly poker night with church members, probably not “churchly” but a convivial monthly get together where the guys caught up on each other. However, the unexpected revelation of my sexual orientation left me alone and forced me to start my life all over again, in a new place with new friends and loss of some family members.

The Methodist Church of Palm Springs is a reconciliation church and embraces all regardless of race, faith and for me, sexual orientation. I had missed church, the contemplation of ideas in our modern world that despite it technological innovations remains all too familiar sociologically to the Biblical past. Is there a story on TV or the movies or an article on the Internet that at its core is different from those in the Bible? My professor was right, we all live the same stories over and over again. Like love, being a good (you put in the faith), loving and caring believer takes work, something many are unwilling to do. How easy is it to let someone else do the thinking for us? Give us the answers so we can go on with our lives, blindly without questioning what Jesus said.

I have come to compare many of my recent decisions to Jesus’ parable of the adulterous wife. While there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she was guilty, Jesus sums up her actions and those of her accusers with a simple question: “He who is without guilt cast the first stone.” Of course no one is guiltless and quietly the crowd disperses. Jesus admonition to the wife to “Go and sin no more” is also cautionary for who can call an act sin? God? Does the fact one woman loves another at the exclusion of loving a man mean they are sinners? A man who loves another man destined to go to hell? 

Every culture has struggled with this fact, Christians the most. Go forth and multiply has seemed throughout history as a justification for fecundity. The other truism is that one of six couples will naturally be childless. Are they sinners too? Is the religious requirement for salvation that we procreate? What happens to childless couples? Or priests? Or nuns?

The turning point for me was a chat with the UMC PS church at Gay Pride in Palm Springs, last November. As I wandered the booths one of the church members offered me a Gay Pride bracelet and asked if I attended church. I stopped, then admitted I was a Methodist but just hadn’t been able to attend since I moved here. He explained about his church, how I was truly welcome and its mission of reconciliation and inclusion. He urged me to attend. Suddenly, each Sunday, I would think as I read the Sunday paper about church and finally decided to attend in December. The pastor was a dynamo and I truly enjoyed her sermons and found that they would stay with me all week. I would discuss them with friends and finally made the decision to change my membership.

In the interim there was a letter and discussion from the Bishop about a meeting in February that would decide the mission and fate of the church over the LGBTQ community. The meeting in Portland, OR last summer nearly saw the church split and the St. Louis meeting would decide that fate for the whole church. When asked what would happen should it fail to be inclusive she explained there was a real possibility the church would split into a “traditional” church and a more liberal church that welcomed Gay members and pastors who would perform marriages. The Western Region, Oregon, Washington, Alaska, Hawaii and California were mostly liberal churches and remain together in whatever format was decided. Similar views were held in the NE churches as well.

Being Gay is probably one of the hardest realizations any man or woman can experience. I can’t even imagine the feelings of being transgender but for all, our lives are difficult. Daily we are told through ads, religion, relationships what we are supposed to be knowing what we are instead. The recent revelations of how deep homosexuality ran and runs in Hollywood made me realize why so many of the most popular and famous stars could be Gay. They lived in two different worlds, daily. It wasn’t a stretch to assume to be someone else because they were doing it each and every day of their lives. What is one more personality? They were masters of what many called deceit. For them, it was survival. 

In many countries, even today, to be caught in a same sex act is a death penalty at its worst or at the least years in prison. The question never asked is, did God not create us all? If he created Gay men and women, why? Do Gay people decide one day, “I think I’ll be Gay. I want to be beat, and chastised and discriminated against. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

If, as the most evangelical Christian believes that God created us all, why is it such a leap to believe that he created us all to be part of a larger story? If the world were to realize just how many of the people they revere were Gay, it would be shocking. I recently discovered that Van Steuben, the father of the modern American army who was an immigrant from Prussia and helped Washington win our revolution was Gay. It was known and understood but clearly didn’t stop him or Washington from saving this country. 

My church has let me down. Gay or straight it has taken it’s legacy from a progressive church with programs that have benefitted all to one that has narrowed its focus and abandoned its mantle that hopefully will be reborn from it’s ashes. Rather than a flame and cross, I propose that the Phoenix becomes its new symbol, a flaming cross in its beak.

Thank you for reading my blog. I invite you to take the time to read earlier blogs where my emphasis is to explore the ways art and design affects our daily lives ... and always has. I share with you what inspires me with the hope that it will inspire you as well. Comments are always welcomed! 

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