TALKING TO STRANGERS: Unburdening Our Regrets

A few weeks ago I finally picked up and read Malcolm Gladwell's book TALKING TO STRANGERS. Like his other books such as BLINK that talks about how we make decisions often in the blink of an eye or OUTLIERS that discusses if you put 10,000 hours into something you become a master. Master? Yes, a Mozart or Bill Gates. I entered the world of a trifecta of strangers in books and movies and the nightly news that seem to only talk to strangers. 

 Gladwell's books seem simplistic until you scratch a bit below the surface. STRANGERS attempts to address how we talk to each other, friend or foe and create a society that we try to live in, lies and all. I might add that today, as opposed to my youth, we both DON'T talk to each other today OR listen! In fact, that we won't talk to each other directly, face to face could be the biggest problem this nation faces. The book makes you think and I think hopes that before your open your mouth, consider carefully what you are about to say! 

Then the other day I watched, over two days, the Japanese film DRIVE MY CAR. Directed by Ryûsake Hanaguchi it won an Oscar for Best International Film in 2022. A long 3 hour movie (best watched over two days as I did) it tells the story of an actor/director who loses his wife at a young age to a cerebral hemorrhage. He feels guilt because he never knew what she wanted to talk to him about before she dies. A year later he is hired to direct UNCLE VANYA at a theatre in Hiroshima and is told that he is not allowed to drive but must allow a driver to drive his car. For car buffs this is a cherry red Saab Turbo  in mint condition. Hesitant, he allows the young woman to drive him after a trial run. Things get iffy when the young man Kafuku saw having sex with his wife applies for the play. While a young actor he is given the part of Vanya much to his surprise. Kafuku never lets on he knows the young man's past history. However, the young man in an aside after a dinner, beats up a man taking photos of him and during the dress rehearsal is arrested for the man's death. Confronted by the committee on continuing the play with Kafuku as Vanya, who knows all the lines, or his refusal to act and shutting down the play he pleads to think about it. 

He gets in the car and orders the driver to take him where she grew up. Then secrets are revealed. He tells her of his day spent not going home even though he knew his wife wanted to talk to him and when he arrives finds her almost dead. If he had returned earlier he might have saved her. The driver, on her part, tells of her childhood, being raised by a single abusive mother whom she let die when their home was buried in an avalanche. Going to the house he sees the destruction and feels her hurt and anguish on full display. They both grieve for what was never done.

Then my book club picked Jhumpa Lahiri's Pulitzer Prize book of short stories, INTERPRETER OF MALADIES. Reading the chapter with the books title it tells the story of an American, East Indian heritage family on a trip to India. They hire a driver to take them to a famous temple a few hours away and while they go they begin to talk. The driver, who gives tours only on weekends, has a week job his wife calls "medical assistant" but in reality is a translator to a doctor whose patients often speak different Indian dialects. The American wife, who appears either unhappy or bored becomes interested. The driver, Mr. Kapasi. takes an interest in her and has hopes to remaining in contact even giving her his address. This hope is soon shattered when at a last stop, before reaching their hotel, the wife reveals to Kapasi as they watch husband and children walk away that she has a terrible secret, even worse than not loving either husband or children. One of the children is not even her husband's but the child of her husbands best friend who spent a night visiting them. Kapasi is taken aback and asks if this was so secret and no one else knows why she is telling him? "Because you are an interpreter!" she says." The reader and Kapasi both wonder, interpreter of what? What advise could we give? In despair, he has none.

I found this an interesting dilemma. Why would I find three items that discuss the same thing? It certainly isn't a design of finding out why we tell secrets. I do know however, that many of us do. Who hasn't on a train, plane or bus told another things you would never tell your partner, spouse, friend or parent? There is a kind of anonymous pleasure in revealing something, taking it off your chest. Clearly the wife in INTERPRETER feels that the burden of her eight year old secret is relieved when she passes the burden on to another.

Is that why we do it? By giving a secret away we relieve ourselves of it's burden? It reminds me of the scapegoat where ancient Hebrews would pin secrets on a sheep or goat and drive into the wilderness. The animal was thought to take away all the guilt and shame of the past year. I wonder if the secrets we reveal have any impact on those we give it to? Clearly in these stories it did. And, I get the feeling it relieved them of their guilt! However, while you feel relieved, do we pass it on? What do you think?

Thank you for reading my blog. I invite you to take the time to read earlier blogs where my emphasis is to explore the ways art and design affects our daily lives ... and always has. I share with you what inspires me with the hope that it will inspire you as well. Comments are always welcomed!

 

Be sure to check my ETSY store ... KrugsStudio.etsy.com. I am adding many new and exciting, collectible birdhouses and craft items. Many of the items talked about here will be for sale there!

Thank you for reading my blog. I invite you to take the time to read earlier blogs where my emphasis is to explore the ways art and design affects our daily lives ... and always has. I share with you what inspires me with the hope that it will inspire you as well. Comments are always welcomed!

Thank you for visiting my store! Please be sure to visit on a regular basis or contact me at KrugsStudio.etsy.com. New birdhouses, craft items, photography and canvas paintings are added all the time. Please tell your friends, artists or anyone who appreciates local handcrafted items about my store.

If you have the time and are interested about how art and design affect our lives, PLEASE check out my blog, KrugsStudio.blogspot.com. I discuss how art and design effects our lives, often in more ways than we can ever imagine. It covers a wide range of topics, not just art but does look at design and how we design our lives each and every day. Comments and ideas for future articles are always welcome.