Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Reflecting - Defeat or Opportunity?

While I was in the rehab center trying to heal my spasmodic back, I had time to think about my lost opportunity to teach painting and what venues that might have opened. The lost opportunity of course was that in injuring myself, I wouldn't be able to go Vegas and teach my classes. While I have known about a blood condition for over 10 years, little did I realize that my back would be the culprit. I considered Vegas a time to start a new post retirement career. I didn't want a full time career but I did look forward to doing this as a part time opportunity, a way to be linked to the art world that I had always enjoyed even if I didn't like the petty feuding and elitist attitudes that so many artists display. I was both excited and terrified at the opportunity I was given!

Coming home yesterday, I realized that I would have been getting ready to teach my very first class. There was much sadness even as I was finally, after a week of rehabilitation, going back to my own home and bed. No more blood tests at 2 am, pills at 4 am, no more nurses moving or checking on my wonderful room mate, certainly no more marginal food.

We are told so many times that when one door closes, another door opens. But in the moments of despair and hurt you don't often see it that way. I surely didn't yesterday and I don't see think I can see it today when my second class was scheduled.

I don't want this to be a pity party. I have given myself enough tears and its time to move on. Yet, I wonder, how do I move on from this? I will submit classes to teach next year, in fact the operator of the show encouraged me to do this. I will try now, more than ever, to become more involved in the various local art groups and may even try to sell kits on my Etsy store of the classes I was to teach, including the materials I would have given out that cannot be used again. Even the canvases will be included. Why not? What on earth am I going to do with 25 canvases, markings in place that are ready to go?

There is much to consider but the biggest consideration is how to more forward and not look back!

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